2. silence my lady head/ get girl out of my head/ 

    douse head with gasoline/ set it light and set it free/



  4. ive talked endlessly about keeping my face off this blog but today im happy that i chose to work on my leg tan rather than clean the apartment on my day off and i think this photo shows how proud of myself i am. when i write a couple of emotionally procrastinated emails and figure out my hair i will feel even more accomplished.


  5. /i ripped this from a plant last night on my way home for you/


  6. High on bart, open, as usual, nbd. I love you so much. YOU, my invisible audience, my friends.


  7. dirrtmirror:

    sometimes it’s important to exercise until you feel like you might vomit to prove that you’re in control of the heart beating out of your chest. college ruined my confidence in a lot of ways, partially because a lot of my self-delusions quickly shattered, partially because i was surrounded by a lot of assholes and geniuses. i can remember those moments when i had something to say in class and i would look down to see my heart beating through my shirt. it’s, like, nice to feel calm, but i want to commit to my anxiety because i want to commit to failure, failure to say the right thing or be who i think i’m supposed to be, failure to be self-contained and easily defined. today i can feel my pulse in all my limbs, not from fear, just a gentle expansion and contraction. growing up by the coast means the ocean’s rhythms never quite leave your bones. there are vowels that hum inside my chest. when i’m afraid, it’s an “eh” sound. when i’m there with my feelings, it’s an “ah” sound. i once played a part where i had to try and kill myself on stage while screaming “mama.” of course, that’s a potent word on it’s own, but all i can remember are those “ah’s” tearing through me. i think a lot about where my face ends and the rest of the world begins. melting into that. i told m about how i have the opposite of resting bitch face. strangers on the street smile like they know me & i feel confused until i realize i was smiling first. an index card in my purse says, “1. love 2. faith 3. anger 4. loneliness 5. freedom 6. fear 7. curiosity 8. grief 9. because i can’t not” on one side and “1. anxiety 2. exhaustion 3. frustration 4. confusion 5. paralysis 6. time” on the other. sometimes i write “what do i want?” over and over again in my journal just to remember that i can’t stop asking that question, even though the answers are unclear. i spent a lot of today feeling guilty that i wasn’t someone else, but what’s the use of that, i don’t believe even believe in individuals.

  8. thenewinquiry:



    Maya Mackrandilal Sheath IV (2014)



  9. please visit the archive from time to time, it’s like the always forming, never coalescing detritus of my internet habitus (nearly indistinguishable from irl habitus) arranged in cycles. this is the work, this is where it exists, in fragments

    *i will make something of the mess, i swear, 4/18/13

  10. I have learned about Western
    Civilization. Do you know
    what the message of Western
    Civilization is? I am alone.
    Am I alone tonight?
    I don’t think so. Am I
    the only one with bleeding gums
    tonight. Am I the only
    homosexual in this room
    tonight. Am I the only
    one whose friends have
    died, are dying now.




  14. "Holes?! How many holes do we need to make love?"

    "How many holes are you ok with?”